Many of us do not realise that there are narcissists in their midst or that they themselves have a narcissistic personality. Dealing with people with this personality disorder can be emotionally challenging and even impact personal wellbeing. A study conducted by Azureen Abdul Aziz, Siti Kausar Zakaria and Fang Yi Xue from the Faculty of Education and Liberal Arts at INTI International University revealed that there are significant connections between narcissism, self-esteem, and love styles.
Based on the research, narcissism or in its simplest form, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) has had its variations over time. Narcissists hold the notion that not only are they unique or special, but they also feel superior to others. NPD is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.
“Narcissists always look for fame, power, and attention. They like to be close to people who can put them in the highest position but refuse to accept criticism till the end. This causes them to be manipulative and uncompassionate,” said Azureen.
Her research stated that apart from self-praise, attention seeking, and show off attitude, narcissists often think that they are smarter and more attractive, which can be toxic in any relationship.
Azureen Abdul Aziz, Head of Programme at INTI International University’s Faculty of Education and Liberal Arts, and her team conducted a research titled ‘Narcissists: The Casanova of a Familial Relationship’ which revealed a significant connection between narcissism, self-esteem, and love styles.
“They would do anything to enhance their self-esteem. If unable to, they become aggressive and blame others for their failures. It’s a sad reality that can lead to social and cultural problems. This is the reason NPD is categorised as a mental health problem by American Psychiatric Association,” she said.
However, the study showed that narcissists are not entirely unpleasant. They have been found to be most confident in social settings which allow them to stand out in a crowd. In relationships, narcissists expect their romantic partners to be perfect and to fulfil their desires for self-esteem, status, and power according to what serves their goals best.
She explained, “When it comes to love, they can be charming, flirty, and yet aggressive if their wishes are unmet due to little concern for their partners. In the worst-case scenario, they may seek additional romantic or sexual partners if the current relationship fails due to their need for socio-sexuality and freedom.”
The study further demonstrated that narcissists’ strategy for their self-worth is also due to their ludus love style, known as game-playing love. Narcissists may only take interest in having romantic relationships for pleasure and attention in the first place, but they dislike the idea of commitment in relationships.
When asked about the rise in narcissism in our society, she said, “Spotting them may be difficult at first, but knowing a person with such traits can be helpful in order to help other victims who may not realise the occurrence of narcissism in their circle of life.”
Concluding the research, although NPD is not part of the critical illness list, she stressed that it would cause our generation to lose faith and values in humanity, as well as result in mental stress.
“It is crucial to set your boundaries. In this age, we don’t have to go far to see it happen, we can see it happen anywhere. It is important to act differently when dealing with a narcissist and treat people how you want to be treated,” said Azureen.